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If God gives me grace then why aren't I graceful? [entries|friends|calendar]

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[11 Jun 2011|10:36pm]
It's crazy how much things change in just a few months. I went back and read my last entry and now it seems crazy to me that I was going through a period of hating my major. I can't believe I ever said I didn't feel at home on The Chronicle staff. I absolutely feel at home now but that's probably because I feel like I'm more a member of the team now that I'm and editor. Now that I'm at my internship and working in the field I realize that I really do love journalism even in a professional type setting. I find it really interesting and exciting.I would be so extremely happy if I got the chance to work for The Eastern Shore News.That would be like a dream job for me. It was so exciting to see my work in print on the front page. I love being up on local news and being able to go out and talk to people. I also love getting to do things I've never done like sitting in on a court case or going to the pony swim. I'm really glad that I'm feeling more satisfied with my major. I feel like I've made a few steps in the right direction. I think that working more than usual will be good for me. I need to know what its like to work full time. I need to learn not to complain so much, last summer I whined about working 4 4-6 hour days and now I'm working 5 6-8 hour days. I also whined to mom about how my internship was going to suck and now I love it. I need to be more positive. Hopefully this summer will be full of good experiences that will help me continue to grow.
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which path is the right one? [16 Jan 2011|12:35am]
I feel so lost. I've been studying journalism for almost two years and I recently I've started to feel like I'm not sure if that's even what I want to do. Will I even be good at it? Will I even like it? Sometimes I just want to abandon ship, drop out of school, move home, do something random like become a bank teller. I wish I just knew exactly what I wanted to do. I'm sure this is all normal but that doesn't make it any less frustrating or scary. Sometimes I think I should go to grad school but I really need to get a job and make money. Sometimes I think I should go to culinary school but what would I do with that degree? Sometimes I think I should use my degree to write non fiction books or historical fiction but I'd have to spend a few years no using my degree and not making much money. I'm also really dreading my internship. It stresses me out that I can't graduate with out doing this. It also stresses me out that I'm not sure how to get in contact with any one. I want to do it at the news but idn who to e-mail or how to get my foot in the door. I also don't know how I'm gonna balance work and an internship and still have a little fun this summer. I just hope I can make everything work out.
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[05 Jan 2011|04:30pm]
I sat with Gram in the hospital today which was fine, a little hard, and scary, and uncomfortable but fine. I was glad that I could make her happy. What wasn't fine was that dad told me he would come over right after school to relieve me, he didn't, what else is new. I sat there until Aunt Valarie came and then after a few minutes I left. Dad didn't come because he had a bad day at school. I have to help mom finish making dinner to take down to church for bible study when really all I want to do is see Levi. I feel like I've hardly even talked to him in a week because he's so busy when I'm there. I have to work Friday and Aunt Valarie wants me to sit with Gram again soon. I think I'll be glad when it's time to go back to school.
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[04 Jan 2011|08:28pm]
I never seem to make the right decision. I've been at Levi's house everyday since Thursday and most of the time he's been recording with one person or another so I've spent most of my time reading. It gets a little boring sometimes. I've been trying not to complain, to keep myself from getting grouchy I decided to take a break and stay at my house today. I had a few errands to run and mom needed my help to make chili and corn bread for dinner at church tomorrow. I thought that Levi would spend the morning working and then spend the afternoon recording with Derek. He did work in the morning but he was done by the time I woke up and Derek just played video games and then left. Today would have been the best day for me to go to Levi's house and hang out but I missed my chance. I always seem to go in the exact wrong direction. When my instincts tell me to do something I should just do the opposite.
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The new year [01 Jan 2011|07:55pm]
New Years Eve wasn't anything special. Levi Derek and Zach were recording a new song, I read my book and photoshopped some pictures. We watched the clock click down on levi's Ipod. It was nice to ring in the new year with a kiss. This morning I went down stairs looking for coffee but I got Jude and Cristy instead. They needed Levi's help getting a mattress and box spring out our of the house they've been cleaning out so that Cristy could move it into her new place. After that we had to go to Cristy's house so she could get her cat Jiji. We ended up sitting there for a long time while she moved stuff out of the house. After that we went back to Levi's and I made coffee while Levi and Zach started to record again, then I went back to reading my book. I wonder if the first day of the new year will really be a sing of things to come. If so then I guess I'll spend a lot of time helping Cristy out, a lot of time reading, and a lot of time watching Levi and Zach record.
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hello world [29 Dec 2010|11:38pm]
I can't believe I haven't updated this thing in over a year. its nice look back on all that's happened since the last entry. I got closer to everyone, I've done well in all my classes, I got to be best friends with Lauren and Felecia. I ended up not liking Krysten so much and Cheri and I had our ups and downs and still do. Krysten ended up getting kicked out of school and Cheri moved out of Smithdeal so I get a break from her. Mitchy and I live together in the big corner room 453 right next to Lauren. Felecia married Rodney and moved our to his grandmas old house in Portsmouth. Lauren lives with a girl from Massachusetts. At the beginning of this year we met Emily and Judy and we all became fast friends. Brandon and Ryan are still hanging out with us but they aren't exactly best friends any more. They can't seem to agree on religion and its kind of come between them. I changed my major to comm/journalism. I had a religious studies minor for a semester but I dropped that. I started to write for the paper news and now opinion but I have my eye on arts and entertainment to be honest. I'm hoping to get an internship at the Eastern Shore News this summer. The summer was great I worked at the T raiding Company and spent a lot of time at the beach while Levi surfed.
Levi and I are still together. He's leaving for school in Ohio in February then he's talking about movie to Ocean City with Derek. I'm starting to see our future come together. We've been together for almost three years.It's strange to see things change around me. Josh moved out of the house and lives in Richmond with Josh Pruitt, and Jay. Tricia is marrying Vince in July. The Holidays have been different this year. They've felt strange. I guess its just part of me getting older. I can't believe I'm about to turn 21.
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[21 Sep 2009|03:06pm]
Now that I've been here for a few weeks and I've gotten settled I love it even more. I love the friends that I've made. they always make my day like felicia bringing me ketchup packets as a present, or lauren standing out by the dumpster with me and cheri in the rain waiting for chinese, or me and Rachael talking about anime forever. I miss alot of people too thought. I miss seeing levi everyday most of all because nothing can substitute his hugs or the way that he can cheer me up no matter what. I miss working in the kitchen with my mom all the time. I actually miss having a kitchen period. I'm really excited to be learning so much though and to have such great teachers. I really think I might be the only person on the planet that loves mondays. I only have one class and its from 9:30 to 10:20 so after that I'm free all day. I love spending time in the lounge reading. Its the best reading spot ever. the light is perfect and my dorm is so quiet and calm that I can actually focus out there. I doubt people that live outside of village 2 can ever read in ther lounges. I'm a little bit nervous I have my first marine biology test tomorow. I did really well on my first paper. It was for journalism and I got an A. The teacher wants me to write for the school newspaper. I can't wait to start doing that next semester. As much as I love school I really want this week to hurry up and be over. I'm spending the whole weekend at the Smith's house because my parents are going to North Carolina for dad's hardware show and I know Im going to have a lot of fun at their house. plus I'd really like to get my science feild trip over with. we're going to first landing state park to net algea. its not exactly my thing but I'll survive. I have lots of things to look forward to this month though so its all good.
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[25 Aug 2009|01:52pm]
Its so funny to me how a very small change of scenery can lead to me living the way I've been wanting to live for a long time. I've been reading so much more, eating healiter, going to bed early, waking up early, and actually doing homework in a timely way, I've even been reading my bible. I really like it here. Othere than my dorm room being a little chilly I have no complaints. Now I just hope that I can do really well in all of my classes. I just have so much free time. I can get done every thing I need to and still have time to watch TV and read and call every one at home. I love it so much.
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[23 Aug 2009|02:46pm]
I'm finaly at VWC. I'm starting to feel settled. I can't wait to start classes and really meet people and get active. I love it here so far and I hope that the longer I'm here to more I love it. I am however looking forward to coming home this friday to see every one on the shore. My room mate is great and I've met a nice girl from across the hall. Now I just cant wait until things start to pick up around here and there's stuff going on. There's a cook out and a movie night coming up soon though that I'm really excited about. I've only had one meal here so far but I see my self eating a lot of pasta and salad. Luckily mom bought me lentils, ramen, and instant breakfast plus a fridge full of mountain dew and vitamin water. I've been catching up on my reading today so I think I'll go to the library and get a book as soon as I can. The library here is so nice. The chairs are all comfy and there's tons of magazines to read. It sucks that its closed on sundays though. I think Virginia beach water makes my coffee taste funny though which sucks. I have a hall meeting tonight which randomly enough is at 10PM....? My algergies have been really weird since I got here. its like theres different dust over here. I didn't really expect that. I also didn't expect my printer to freak out but I got past that. I went to check my mail today...they gave me the mail box at the very top. when I stand on my tip toes I can't even seen the numbers I have no idea how I would be able to even reach my mail. Its pretty much and epic fail but I'll work around it. I'm really happy here so far and I can't wait for whats next.
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[14 Jul 2009|10:50am]
now that I've been to orientation at Virginia Wesleyan I'm really excited about starting this new semester. I'm taking college algebra, journalism, marine biology, christianity through film, and the old testement world. I declared a religious studies major and I'm thinking about a journalism minor. I got my student ID and I really like the way the picture turned out. I know which dorm I'm living in and I get my room mate assignment on the 20th. I'm really excited that I'm living in the drug and alcohol free wellness center. I signed up for a wellness program through it, I'm hoping to get some yoga out of it. As much as I know I'm going to love being at school I know I'm giong to love coming home on the weekends even more. I can't even imagine how nice it will be to see levi after a week away. Overall I'm really looking forward to this school year.
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[05 Jun 2009|03:43pm]
I can't believe its been 3 weeks since I finished my first year of college. I feel like I should still be in school. I just worked so hard for those last 3 weeks that when it was all done i was stuck in overdrive. I haven't really decided what I want to major in and that makes me kind of nervous but I hope that it will come to me. I just need to do a little soul searching. I hope that I can get a job soon. I've been trying to pinch my pennies more lately. I know I need to make sure the money that I have will last. I went and got my physical today. I really feel like I'm starting to make progress with my college check list. I haven't been beading as much lately but I've been baking way more. I hope I can keep that up. Right now I'm really loving explosions in the sky and I wish they would come to the norva. I've never seen them but I really want to. I hope I get to go to at least one concert this summer. I really think its going to be a good summer either way.
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[12 May 2009|03:07pm]
school is finally over! Now I just need to work on finding another job, getting my car straightened out, and getting everything straight to go to Virginia Wesleyan. D.C. was amazing. I got to eat at 2 resteraunts I had had my eye on and have already picked out a few places for next time. Commonwealth was our first food stop. It is owned by Jamie Leeds who competed on Iron Chef America. We had this great appetizer called Scotch eggs. Which are hard boiled eggs wrapped in sausage and fried. They were delicious. Then for dinner I had Vegtable Tikka Masala which is a vegtable curry with brown rice. I am now a fan of curry. The second place that we ate at was pizzaria Paradiso which is featured in this months food and wine. It is a tiny little place that is squished into a row house in Duponte Circle which was conveniantly right next to TANGY SWEETS!!!!! any I got a tomatoe, basil, and roasted garlic pizza on whole wheat crust with buffalo mozzerella. Mom and Tricia got tomatoe, sausage, and mushrooms. I was really excited because they had Virgils root beer which is porbabbly my favorite brand of rootbeer. So those were my two food picks of the week end. Tricia chose a lebasnese place called Lebanese Taverna. I got a glass of mango nectar which was really tasty. We ordered tapas which is just a meal of appatizers where every one shares. We got lebanese meatballs, falafel, tabouleh salad, rakakat which was yogurt cheese stuffed phylo that was pan fried, phylo crusted shrimp, and lemon garlic shrimp. It was amazing and we all ended up way to full. The next morning was mothers day so we took my mom out to brunch in Georgetown. We ate at a french place. I got a wild mushroom omelet which was okay but chesse would have made it better. Tricia and I shared an almond and cream cheese danish and we got complimentary bread and spreads there was a really good one called brunette that tasted like Nutella but with honey. I might post food pictures later but they're all on my face book if you want to check them out.
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[07 May 2009|10:55am]
this is a really pointless entry. I'm only updating because I'm bored. I'm sitting at one of the library computers waiting for levi to be done with his writing GED. I've gotten 3 out of my 4 papers back. I got 2 B's and an A. My sociology and English exams were really easy but world religions was hard. I didn't study enough for it and I know world civalizations will be hard. I should be studying but I'm not. I really want to bake something but I wont have time to after I get hom from levi's. I still have to pack so I can leave for D.C. tomorow. Hopefully it wont be rainy up there. I'm sitting by the library door and I can see how rainy and windy it is out side. I'm so sick of this weather it makes me sleepy. I had so much trouble getting to sleep last night waking up at 8:00 A.M. was no fun at all. I can't wait till Monday so I can take my last exam so it can really be summer. Even though I'm kind of sad that this school year is over. Its been a really good one. I'm excited for next year though its going to be really different. I kind of feel like I'm a step behind every one else. They all lived in dorms before and had to deal with roomates and being away from home. I haven't. It kind of makes me feel juvenile but I think I can get in the swing of things pretty quickly once I'm there.
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[06 May 2009|01:43pm]
I'm bored. I should be studying for history but I keep putting it off. I'm in love with my new icon. I have four more exams to go and I'm finally feeling more relaxed now that all of my papers are done. I really wish it would stop being so rainy. I'm starting to feel like I live in Washintong state. I'm excited about going to D.C. this weekend. I have't been to see my aunt in over a year and I can't wait to see her new aparetment. I've been making a list of places to eat by looking up places in food and wine and on food network so I hope I get to go to some of them. traveling is really all about food for me. speaking of food my tummy is rumbling so I'm gonna go eat.
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[23 Apr 2009|05:04pm]
I feel really good now that I'm at least half way done with all of my papers. My room and car are very clean and all my laundry is folded and put away. I wish I could stop having trouble falling asleep though. I just can't get my brain to shut off at night. My first performance for steel magnolias is tonight. I'm really nervous I'm afraid I'll miss a lighting cue or forget to play a sound bite. I'm really glad that school is almost over. I can't wait for summer. I've been working really hard all year and I can't wait to take a break. I've been on a cleaning spree lately. I've sold a lot of my clothes on eBay and once every one is asleep in the house at night I start cleaning. its really unlike me and weird. At least the house is clean though.
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[13 Apr 2009|08:16pm]
I have four papers to do in three weeks. its sort of scaring me. I also have to do 26 questions on about 200 years worth of history by the end of april. I may be doing lighting for steel magnolias as my theater project. I guess I'm kind of busy but I know that once all of that is over it will be summer. I just hope I make it through the next three weeks okay. once it gets warm its so hard to focus.

I've been baking alot lately it makes me happy. I like being able to make something that I can share with people that makes them happy too. I've been beading alot too. I've gotten kind of obsessed I own way more beads that nessecary.
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[06 Apr 2009|12:49am]
friday night i went to the refuge in deleware with cristy and the boys. It was a long cramped drive but the show was a lot of fun. The church was really nice. the stage was the biggest the boys have played on yet and all of the people in charge were really friendly. I really hope they get invited back. they played a really good show and we sold 15 cd's. the two head lniging bands the danger o's and reality striken were really good i got both of their cd's and they've been in my cd player all weekend. they're absolutely worth looking up. i had dibs on a captain seat on the way home so the ride was less cramped plus my belly was full of wawa food so it was all good. When we finally got home at 2:30 i crawled into maries bed and slept really really well. it was a great night.
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[30 Mar 2009|12:11pm]
I'm so exctied! I finished my english project. it was kind of worrying me. I had to summarize and article on the play the importance of being earnest. now i just have to read it in front of the class. that dosen't bother me much at all. now i have to write a dialogue for thater class...ugh. after that i have to do a light show for that class and I have 4 papers due in april. I have a few breaks though there are two black thursday shows in april, im going to see my aunt in DC, and its getting warmer. I'll be really glad when summer is here. I'm also getting excited for next school year. Its nice that I'm excited this time last year when I thought about school I got a knot im my sthomach. Now Im excited to eat in the cafateria, hopefully get accepted as a tutuor, to have people come visit me, and to live in the substance free housing. which means i sign a contract that says i wont drink any alcohol any where on campus and no one can drink or smoke in my dorm. so if you do visit be prepared. :)
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[27 Mar 2009|12:09am]
I made the oatmeal cookies tonight. I used to recepie on the back of the quaker oats lid. I just replaced the cup of rasins with a cup of dried cranberries.

oatmeal crasin cookiesCollapse )
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[21 Mar 2009|11:24am]
yesterday was levi and I's one year aniversary. I got home from work and put on my yellow skirt even though it was cold. He made me a red velvet cake and we went to don valerios. Then we went to movie gallery and rented made of honor which was okay. Then we ate some of the cake he made. it was really really good. we're supposed to make lemon chess pie today. I really wish it was warmer. its so sunny but it usn't amounting to anything. its driving me crazy.
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